Sorry if this brings you down guys, i wrote this a few weeks back and felt like i needed to get it out of my system and out of my head!
Do you like me? Because I get the impression that you don't care about me. On Christmas you were the one and only person that I cared about seeing, and it really sucked that you couldn't schedule me into your plans for more than five minutes. I feel like a backup plan in your life, someone who you think will always be around when you are lonely, but who you forget about when you're not. I can't help feeling like your safety net. I put so much effort into trying to be the guy who could hold your attention only to realize that's not what you're looking for at all. I remember when we were younger, I saw this amazing, fun, gorgeous girl, and I wanted to be a part of her life. She had a lot of friends and I recall having to fight for her attention. I guess I thought I wouldn't have to fight for that once we were finally together. I was foolish, our relationship started casually enough, but I moved too fast emotionally thinking that if I devoted my time and attention on her and made her a priority in my life, that she would do the same. Hours roll by with not so much as a text or a call, I only wanted to be included in her life. I found myself thinking of changing fundamental ideas in my life, "maybe she would love me then." The unknown is where I exist, waiting to come to her rescue. This isn't healthy, I know that, a part of me wonders did I cause this? Did I do something wrong? Will I ever find normal again? How much more can I even take.. Another night passes, she makes memories with her friends, why doesn't she want to make memories with me? What's wrong with me? I gave her my damaged heart and she tore it in two.
Listening to: Sam Smith